All That I'm After
by Picio
Summary: He knew denial was going to get him nowhere. He tried to forget those feelings, tried to push them away and pretend they weren't there. But it seemed like he just wasn't going to win this one. SHIZAYA. Yaoi. Don' like, don't read.
1. Underdrugged And Overdone

Warning: This chapter contains a lovestruck Izaya. :3

And note: Celty's dialogue is in [brackets] because she isn't actually talking. So if you're new to DRRR...there you go. xD

-

_I need to stop this._

Izaya wiped the tears from his eyes, throwing his head back with a sigh. Something- no, someone- had been on his mind lately. It was driving him absolutely insane. Especially since that someone was…

Shizuo Heiwajima.

Izaya didn't like to get too attached to people. Nothing lasts forever, and he knew that. But lately he had felt this extreme _want_ to be near the bartender, even if he ended up being punched in the face repeatedly.

He didn't care. Shizuo could hurt him as much as he wanted. Any kind of contact had been enough for him.

It _had_ been.

The desire to be close to Shizuo had slowly escalated into need, and soon enough it just…wasn't enough. He _needed_ the blonde to hold him, caress him, kiss him…  
>After arguing with himself over it internally, he decided he really was in love with Shizuo- as much as he didn't want to admit it. But he knew denial was going to get him nowhere. He tried to forget those feelings, tried to push them away and pretend they weren't there. But it seemed like he just wasn't going to win this one.<p>

Izaya sighed again, spinning around in his chair. He stopped, and bit his lip, feeling tears starting to well up in his eyes again.

Suddenly a knock on the door caused him to jump. He quickly composed himself, wiping his eyes and rubbing them, hoping that he didn't look too distressed. "Come in," he said calmly.

The door opened and none other than the Headless Rider, Celty Sturluson stepped into the room. She walked up to the Informant's desk. She started to type something on her phone, but stopped and erased it. She typed something else and held the device up so Izaya could see it.

[Izaya…were you crying just now?]

"Of course not, Celty. Why would I be crying? That's so silly of you to s-"

[Don't lie! Did you get abducted by aliens or something?] She typed frantically, shoving the phone in his face.

"Hardly. Please, Celty. I'm fine, really."

She stared at him. [I don't believe you.]

Izaya bit his lip. "Okay, you got me Headless Rider, I was crying."

[Care to tell me why?]

He took a breath. "Don't tell anyone, okay?"

She nodded, and Izaya closed his eyes. "I…I am in love with someone," he began. "And I've realized it's not something that's going to go away, as much as I want it to. The person…I am in love with…he's not exactly my type. But for some reason unclear to me…I just can't stop thinking about him."

If she could, Celty would have been smiling. It was nice, she thought, for Izaya to actually be feeling something for someone.

[It's a guy? So it's Shizuo, right?]

He cracked a smile. "D-don't be absurd! Shizu-chan and I hate each other, there's no way a relationship between us could ever- O-oh God…" He drew in a shaky breath, slowly starting to cry again.

"M-My sincerest apologies, Celty, I'm…I'm not usually like this." He choked out, gripping the armrests of his chair tightly. "S-so, what brings you here anyway?"

[Forget it. I'm worried about you now. Do you want to talk more about it?]

Izaya shook his head wildly. "No, no, that won't be necessary. I'm sure this silly attachment to Shizu-chan will cease…eventually..."

She quickly typed a long response. [Izaya…I know how you're feeling right now. When I first realized I was in love with Shinra, I was the same way. I thought we could never be in a relationship, because, well, we just didn't seem like we'd fit together. And I thought he'd never love someone like me. But look where we are now! So, what I'm saying is you should tell Shizuo how you feel- you never know, maybe he likes you too.]

Izaya's eyebrow twitched. Shizuo…like him, too? That would never happen. "I'm inclined to believe that he will never feel anything but abhorrence for someone like me."  
>[You need to have a little more faith in yourself.]<p>

"Perhaps," he said with a sigh, leaning back in his chair.

Maybe Celty was right…


	2. Even if it kills me

**WARNING; THERE'S A LIME IN THIS CHAPTER...  
>SO, YAOI!<br>NO LIKEY, NO READY!**

-

_I hate parties._

And a party was exactly where he was at the moment. Izaya plopped down onto one of the couches. Rubbing his temples, he looked around at the kinds of people that were there.  
>Stupid High School kids, all of them. But that was to be expected from a party of Masaomi Kida's.<p>

Why was he here, anyway?

_Oh, that's right. Celty said Shizuo would be here._

He was looking forward to seeing the blond, but he knew he'd probably get his ass kicked by the end of the night. And he wasn't really looking forward to that.

It was a matter of minutes before Shizuo showed up. He walked straight into the kitchen where Kida was, asking him for beer, and he got some. Izaya wondered how the blond teen had managed to get his hands on it.

Shizuo came back into the living room and sat on the same couch Izaya was sitting. He didn't seem to notice the informant as he sipped his beer. Every once and a while Izaya would glance over, admiring the bartender's illustrious features.

But of course, it was inevitable that Shizuo would finally notice Izaya staring at him. The blond turned his head slowly towards the raven, eyebrow twitching.

"IZAAAAYAAAAA!" He shrieked, hopping off the couch and lifting it up (Izaya still on it). He was about to throw it out the window, but Kida grabbed his wrist.

"C'mon, man, can't you get along with him _just_ for tonight?"

Shizuo, to Izaya's surprise, actually listened, setting the piece of furniture back down. He glared at Izaya for a few moments before walking into the other room.

The informant sighed, happy he didn't get thrown across Ikebukuro. He stood suddenly, realizing he might as well try and do something. He walked into the kitchen, grabbing a Pepsi from the fridge. He wasn't a big fan of alcohol.

He hung out with Mikado for a while, talking about nothing in particular. He grew bored soon enough and walked to the bathroom. He set his drink on the counter and stared at himself in the mirror, fluffing his hair slightly. He exhaled loudly. "Oh Izaya, you're such a loser…" He said quietly, picking up his drink again.

Around an hour later, the party started to die down. People either left or passed out on the floor, either way it was quieter. Izaya was laying on the couch, his eyes closed.

Taking another sip of his soda, he closed his eyes. Something felt…weird. He let out a shaky breath and brought a hand to his chest.

Why was his heart pounding so fast?

He shivered, trying to stand but ended up stumbling. He sat back down, breathing heavily. _What the hell is wrong with me?_ He asked himself, shivering again.

Suddenly he heard a familiar voice. "Izaya, you look like shit."

The informant cringed. "Don't yell!" He looked up at the source of the rather annoying sound. Shizuo.

"I wasn't yelling- damn, you really do look shittier than usual."

"Shut the hell up…" Izaya stood again, stumbling once again, but this time he fell on Shizuo.

The blonde didn't stagger; instead he caught the raven in his arms. Shizuo looked at him, then to the can of Pepsi. "Well you're not drunk, so that means someone spiked your drink. Assholes…" He growled slightly.

"Mmmn, Shizu-chan~" Izaya mused, lolling his head from side to side. "I'm so horny~~"

The bartender felt his eye twitch. "Ecstasy huh…"

"Stop _talking_ so loud!" The informant whined.

"Goddammit, I'm n-" Shizuo stopped himself and sighed. No use getting angry right now. As much as he wanted to kill Izaya, killing him while he was fucked up like this wouldn't be very fair.

"Kida, do you have a guest room or something that I can put Izaya in? He needs to lie down…" Shizuo gestured to the shivering man in his arms.

The blond teen smiled at them. "Of course, you two have fun~" He skipped out of the room, probably to go flirt with girls.

Shizuo scoffed, throwing Izaya over his shoulder and carrying him upstairs. He found a room that he was pretty sure was a guest bedroom and set the raven on the bed.

Izaya giggled, snuggling into the blankets. "Soft…" He murmured.

Shizuo rolled his eyes and started out of the room, but was stopped by Izaya grabbing his hand. "Don't leave me, Shizu-chan…"

The blond's eyes widened when he saw Izaya's expression. His face was flushed, his eyes half-lidded, and his lips were parted ever so slightly... Shizuo stared at him. "Izaya…"

Shizuo nearly jumped on top of the shorter man. He attacked Izaya's mouth, kissing him with extreme fervor. The raven reacted immediately, opening his mouth slightly so Shizuo could slide his tongue in. Izaya fought back, his tongue pushing against the bartender's.  
>Izaya didn't know what Shizuo was doing, or why he was doing it, but he liked it, and that's all he cared about right then. In contrast, Shizuo was wondering the same thing.<p>

Their kisses slowly grew more heated, a low moan coming from Izaya every once in a while. Shizuo's hand traveled downward suddenly, squeezing the raven's crotch. The informant squeaked, throwing his arms around the blond. "Shizu-chan…" He moaned.

"Tch," Shizuo's eyebrow twitched as he slipped his hand inside the flea's pants, who whimpered.

"Shizuuuu-chaaaan…I need you, come onnn~"

_So damn annoying_…

Izaya looked like he was about to die from a heat stroke just about then, so Shizuo quickly stripped the younger man of his fluffy jacket and shirt, his pants and boxers following soon after.

The blond stopped before unbuttoning his own shirt. He studied the completely naked informant before him. His chest was rising and falling abnormally fast, his face was a deep red, and he was covering his eyes. The light was probably too bright for him…Before Shizuo did anything else he got up and turned it off.

He realized Izaya was completely at his mercy; that he could do anything he wanted with him. On a normal day he'd just try and kill him, but tonight he felt like doing something…better. His hand shifted down to grab hold of the raven's arousal. He pumped it slowly and Izaya moaned, throwing his head back. "Shizu-chan…it feels so good…"

_Damn flea…_

The bartender swallowed hard, ogling Izaya almost like a horny schoolgirl. He licked his lips, pumping the shorter man faster. It wasn't very long before the informant cried out, spilling his seed onto Shizuo's hand.

The blond pulled his hand away, up to his mouth to lick it clean. He looked back at Izaya, who had already passed out.

He sighed, pulling the covers out from under the raven. He stripped to his boxers and got back onto the bed, pulling the blankets over both of them. Moments later Izaya rolled over in his sleep, snuggling against Shizuo's chest.

The blond closed his eyes, drawing Izaya into his arms. He sighed once more, silently wondering what he was going to say to him the next morning.


	3. Maybe

When Izaya awoke the next day, he noticed someone was holding him close to their chest. He wriggled out of the hold, nearly falling off the bed in the process. He looked at the sleeping man next to him, and his eyes widened.

_Shizuo?_

_What is Shizuo doing here?_

He looked around; he recognized this place as Kida's guest bedroom. That meant that he and Shizuo had probably gotten roaring drunk and ended up-

Izaya rubbed his lower back. It didn't hurt. But they were in bed together, and he was naked…They had to've done something! The informant slapped himself mentally as he tried to remember the previous night's events.

Eventually the bartender stirred, and Izaya hid under the blankets. He knew he was about to be brutally murdered.

The blond cracked open an eye, looking at the lump in the covers. "Izaya…What are you doing?" He asked, sitting up and yawning.

"N-nothing!" Izaya jumped off the bed, sitting in the corner.

They sat in a very awkward silence for what (to Izaya) seemed like hours, when Shizuo spoke up.

"Nothing happened last night, so stop worrying about it."

"Well, something happened! I'm naked, and you're in your boxers…"

He glared at the raven. "Nothing happened. Someone slipped you ecstasy, and then you got all horny. But it's not like I did anything about it."

"Why am I naked then?"

"Don't ask me, louse!" Shizuo growled, standing up. He grabbed his clothes and started to dress himself.

Izaya watched him closely, examining the bartender's body. He swallowed, his face had started to get red again.

Thoughts passed through his mind, like '_he'll never love you', 'your love is unrequited', 'just stop this, Izaya…'_

The raven found his boxers, pulling them on and standing up. He bit his lip and stared at Shizuo, who was yawning.

"Sh…Shizuo?" The informant said timidly.

"What?" The blond snapped.

"You hate me, right?"

"Yeah."

Izaya didn't know why he even asked that, he knew the answer would always be yes. Always, always, always.

Shizuo walked towards the door. "Well, kill ya later," he said casually, opening the door and leaving the room.

Izaya waited until the footsteps faded away to burst into tears. He threw himself onto the bed, burying his face in a pillow. He didn't want this; he didn't want to be in love. Especially not with Shizuo.

He loved humans, and as far as he was concerned, that's something Shizuo wasn't.

"Dammit!" he screamed into the pillow.

Kida ran into the room then. "Izaya, would you quiet down? I'm trying to sleep, man!"

Izaya sat up slowly, wiping his eyes. "Y-yeah, sorry. I'll just leave. Great party, Kida-kun."

"Thanks…" The teen walked back into his own room, shutting the door.

The informant gathered his things, getting dressed. He called Celty and asked for her to pick him up; he didn't feel like walking home.

He stood outside, the cold wind hitting his face. Celty arrived minutes later on her horse. She looked Izaya over and typed, [Are you doing alright? You look terrible.]

"Thanks, Celty. Could you just take me home, please?"

The Headless Rider nodded, and Izaya hopped on the back of her motorcycle. He wrapped his arms around her waist, suddenly feeling the need to be close to someone. Celty patted his hand. [Will you tell me what happened when we get there?]

"Y-yeah," the raven said meekly.

When they arrived at Izaya's penthouse, the informant made some coffee for himself. "Want any?" he gestured to Celty jokingly.

If the rider had eyes she would have rolled them. [Okay, so what happened?]

Izaya took a seat on the couch next to Celty. He took a deep breath. "Um, well I'm not really…I don't remember what happened. But Shizuo said someone gave me Ecstasy. And that's his excuse for us waking up in bed together."

Celty typed a frantic response. [YOU WERE IN BED TOGETHER? WOAH, TELL ME MORE!]

He glared at her. […Sorry, I'm not helping.]

Izaya closed his eyes, and suddenly he remembered.

"He gave me a handjob!" He exclaimed, standing up.

The Headless Rider jumped slightly. [Wow, really? That's…hot.]

Izaya tugged at his own hair. "Oh my God, I can't believe this…And he wasn't drunk…do you know what this means, Celty? Maybe…maybe he likes me, even if just a little!" He started to dance around the room like a lunatic.

The Dullahan crossed her arms, watching the ecstatic raven. She was glad he had more faith in himself now.

Izaya came down from his high a few minutes later. He sighed, plopping back down onto the couch. "I really hope he likes me…even if…just a little…" He repeated, this time less enthusiastic.


	4. I Won't Go Home Without You

**WARNING, THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS:  
>~Izaya and Shizuo being awfully OOC<br>~Limeeee  
>~A love confession~<strong>

Durarara! and all its characters © Ryohgo Narita

-

That night, Izaya paid a visit to Ikebukuro. Shizuo found him almost immediately. When the bartender picked up a car to fling at him, the raven said softly, "Wait a minute, Shizu-chan."

The blond's eye twitched as he threw the car into a building instead of throwing it at Izaya. "What is it, flea?" He spat.

"I need to tell you someth-"

"I don't care what you have to say," Shizuo snapped, glaring at him.

Izaya bit his lip. "Well then I'm going to have to show you."

The raven dragged Shizuo to the nearest alleyway. He pinned the bartender against the cool brick wall.

"What do you want?"

The informant said nothing, but responded by leaning in slowly and pressing his lips against the older man's ever so gently. His hands traveled downward, caressing every inch of Shizuo's body. The bartender was rather confused. Did someone give Izaya drugs again…?

"Shizu-chan," the raven mumbled, sinking to his knees so he was eye-level with Shizuo's crotch. He quietly undid the taller's belt, throwing it to the side. He looked up at Shizuo as he pulled his pants down slightly.

"Just…do what you want, you're gonna die anyway."

Izaya smiled, pulling the bartender's pants down along with his boxers. He grabbed the blond's member and kissed the tip. A chill shot up Shizuo's spine. He moved his hands down to grab fistfuls of Izaya's hair.

The informant giggled softly, stroking him slowly while swirling his tongue around the tip. Shizuo closed his eyes, focusing solely on the amazing feeling that Izaya was giving him.

He shuddered as Izaya took his cock into his mouth. The raven hummed, bobbing his head at a reasonable pace. Once, he looked up at the blond, and Shizuo almost came right there.

_Why was Izaya so damn sexy to him all of a sudden?_

Shizuo growled, gripping the informant's hair and pulling him forward. Izaya nearly gagged. He pulled away from Shizuo, taking a few deep breaths. "S-sorry," The blond apologized.

Izaya shook his head, taking his enemy's erection into his mouth again. He looked up at Shizuo once more, and the bartender squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't take those eyes…

"Izaya, I'm-ah!" Shizuo moaned, his head tilting back slightly so it could rest on the brick wall.

The informant giggled, standing up. Shizuo opened his eyes, noticing there was…  
>Stuff…<p>

_His_ stuff…

On Izaya's cheek.

Great.

"Do you enjoy humiliating yourself like that?" Shizuo frowned, pulling his pants back on.

Izaya smiled, taking his thumb and wiping the cum off his face. He stuck the digit in his mouth and Shizuo's eyebrow twitched.

"Hmn, Shizu-chan tastes good~"

"Shut up, louse. …Why the hell did you just do that, anyway?"

Izaya tried to stay confident as he leaned close to Shizuo. "It's because I love you~" He said affectionately, trying not to sound insincere.

The bartender scoffed. "Shut the hell up," he said, sounding rather annoyed. "You don't know what love is, _Izaya._

Izaya looked at the ground, feeling tears forming in his eyes again. He drew in a shaky breath. "No, Shizuo…" He paused. "I know what love is. And I know I love you."

"Tough luck, I hate you."

"How can you say that?" Izaya almost shouted. "You _willingly_ jerked me off, then you _let me_ blow you just now! You have to feel something for me!"

"Tch," Shizuo laughed almost nervously. "I didn't jerk you off."

"Yes you did." Izaya stated matter-of-factly. "I remember it now."

The bartender held his hands up. "Fine, you got me. I'll admit- and don't tell anyone this- you're sexy as hell. And I can't even…" Shizuo forced him against the wall. "Explain how much I…" He leaned in so his lips were nearly touching the raven's. "Want you."

Izaya closed his eyes, leaning forward slightly so he could press his lips to Shizuo's, but the blond pulled away.

"But I still hate you."

Izaya nodded in understanding.

He realized he'd never get to be with Shizuo the way he wanted.

"Fine," Izaya said, staring into Shizuo's eyes. "You can have me whenever you want, wherever you want. I don't care. I'm all yours, Shizu-chan. Just…as long as you promise not to mess around with other people."

"So, what, it's like a relationship?"

"N-no, well, I mean, I think it would just be better if-"

"Fine," Shizuo said, giving the informant a quick kiss. "As long as I can fuck you, I don't care."

Izaya almost did a happy dance. Even though he knew Shizuo would never love him, he could always pretend, right?

"O-okay, I guess I should be going, I'll see you la-" As Izaya turned around, Shizuo grabbed his sleeve.

"No way. You said you were all mine. I'm taking you home with me."

The raven turned back to face him. "Shizu-chan, I'm not going to your filthy apartment."

"We'll go to yours then," the blond smirked a little, throwing Izaya over his shoulder.


	5. Take What You Wanna Take

**Thank you so much for your support everyone~! Your reviews help a lot! w**

**This chapter's a lemon, I hope you like C: Chapter 6 will be up very soon!**

"Haah.." Izaya breathed, his arms snaking around Shizuo's neck as he was grinded against.

The blond smirked slightly, moving to Izaya's neck where he nibbled and sucked, leaving a few marks that would be quite visible in the morning. Izaya growled, head-butting the bartender in the forehead. Shizuo's eyebrow twitched, and he pushed Izaya forward so the back of his head connected with the headboard.

"Owh, what was that for?" the raven screamed, letting go of Shizuo and rubbing the back of his head.

"You headbutted me, louse."

"Only because you bit me…"

Shizuo rolled his eyes and pulled the informant back into his arms. "You said you were mine. So that means I can do whatever I want to you."

Izaya bit his lip.

"Am I wrong?" the blond asked with a smirk.

The raven shook his head.

"Thought so," The bartender muttered, starting to take off Izaya's pants while he wriggled out of his fluffy jacket.

When they were completely free of their clothing, Shizuo stared at the blushing raven beneath him. Their eyes met, and the blond felt a pang of something right where his heart was. He ignored it, though, and his eyes started to travel down, eyeing Izaya's chest, then his hardened member. The informant exhaled shakily. "H-Hey, would you quit staring and touch me?"

Shizuo shook his head. "Sorry." He quietly ran his hands down Izaya's sides, reaching his hips. He leaned close to the raven's cock, licking it experimentally.

Izaya growled, flicking the blond's forehead. "I've had enough of that. Just fuck me."

The bartender smirked. "Whatever you say, princess~"

"Th-there's a bottle of lube in the dresser, over there…" Izaya gestured to it, and Shizuo got up to retrieve the bottle.

He came back, and quietly got back on top of the informant. He squirted a reasonable amount of liquid onto his fingers and slowly pressed a digit into Izaya's entrance. The raven's breath hitched, and Shizuo gave him a moment to adjust. After Izaya nodded and told him it was okay, he slid another finger inside, making a scissoring motion. Izaya whimpered softly. "Shizu-chan," He moaned, looking down at the bartender.

Shizuo's gaze met his. "Izaya…"

The raven saw an emotion in Shizuo's eyes he had never seen before. He couldn't quite place it, though…

Maybe…love?

No, that was impossible.

Izaya shook his head, going back to reality. Shizuo curled his fingers suddenly, hitting the bundle of nerves that made Izaya cry out. "Do that again," the informant said softly, and Shizuo obliged. Izaya wrapped his arms around the blond's shoulders, pulling him closer.

"Okay, that's enough, Shizu-chan…Please, I want you inside me..." Izaya whispered into the bartender's ear, pressing his lips to it.

Shizuo shivered. "Yeah, okay." He pulled his fingers out and positioned himself at Izaya's entrance. He slid in slowly, carefully, watching the raven's face for pain.

Izaya screwed his eyes shut and bit his lip. "You're pretty big, huh…"

Shizuo smiled, and with one sudden movement he pushed himself completely inside the informant, who moaned. He grabbed Izaya's hand and intertwined their fingers. "Can I move now?"

The raven blushed, looking at their intertwined hands and then back to Shizuo. "Yeah," he nodded.

The blond closed his eyes and started to move, slowly working into a rhythm. Izaya was on cloud nine, he had never felt more pleasure in his entire life. He didn't hold back, screaming and crying out Shizuo's name. Shizuo's moans were low, and quiet, but every once in a while he would whisper the raven's name softly.

It wasn't long before Izaya felt that familiar sensation in the pit of his stomach. "Shizu-chan, I'm close…" He whimpered, pulling Shizuo closer to him.

"Un, me… too." The blond said between thrusts.

A few more thrusts and Izaya couldn't take it anymore, his release covering his and Shizuo's chests. The bartender smiled, leaning in to kiss him. With one more thrust he came as well, spilling his seed inside the raven.

The two lay there for a few moments, steadying their breathing. When Shizuo pulled out, Izaya shivered. He sighed, feeling completely exhausted. Shizuo found a towel to wipe the cum off their chests, and threw it off to the side. He pulled Izaya into his arms and threw the blankets over them. The raven blushed scarlet, but didn't object. He snuggled into Shizuo's chest and sighed happily.

"Thank you," he whispered, closing his eyes.

"Goodnight, Izaya," was all Shizuo said before drifting off to sleep.


End file.
